Submission: The Meaning

Master has asked me to write a lot lately. I wasn't suspecting it and I got a little overwhelmed when he asked me to write this particular tidbit.  He wants me to write about what "Submission Means to Me."  I have thought about it, off and on over the course of the last 24 hours and truthfully, I am not so sure I even know how to put this in words.... so I will start with what I know.  I tend to take things very literally and because of that, the next line is what can start this:

According to Dictionary.com, this is the standard English language definition of Submission.  I have always wondered why some definitions wind up taking us in circles, as the definition contains the word, just in a different form: Submitting, submitted, etc.  Truly the word I should be identifying is the root word "Submit."

submission
[suh b-mish-uh n]

noun

1. an act or instance of submitting.
2. the condition of having submitted.
3. submissive conduct or attitude.
4. something that is submitted, as an application.
5. Law. an agreement between parties involved in a dispute, to abide by the decision of an arbitrator or arbitrators.

So SUBMIT is the next item that I believe is a better-suited element in this context:

submit
[suh b-mit]

verb (used with object), submitted, submitting.

1. to give over or yield to the power or authority of another (often used reflexively).
2. to subject to some kind of treatment or influence.
3. to present for the approval, consideration, or decision of another or others:
4. to submit a plan; to submit an application.
5. to state or urge with deference; suggest or propose (usually followed by a clause):
6. I submit that full proof should be required.

verb (used without object), submitted, submitting.

1. to yield oneself to the power or authority of another:
2. to submit to a conqueror.
3. to allow oneself to be subjected to some kind of treatment:
4. submit to chemotherapy.
5. to defer to another's judgment, opinion, decision, etc.:
6. I submit to your superior judgment.

I am better suited to say that I cannot define this better than they (Websters)  did. But there is more involved in just the act of submitting, and that it doesn't happen just once.  It happens on a level that they are giving you a reason to submit.  They are offering an incentive, as to submit is not easy. The trust that is required to put one's life and welfare into the hands of another are paramount and each time you do so, you are learning not only about yourself, but you are learning that of your "Master/Dominant."

I have never found a way to demand that trust from anyone, and that the trust will build over time, each day offering new ways to challenge our respect for each other, to your learning style, to everything that you are and can be.

Unfortunately, my history and childhood have not given me much trust in mankind.  People have to work twice as hard to earn my trust and even then, I have never fully given my entire trust to anyone.  Not (especially) my own mother.  After learning how much my own family stepped on me and lied to "protect me" in a sense, I have found it impossible to fully trust someone.  To me, submission requires trust, but not a 100% of someone's trust.  It means I have had limits, and I have stuck to them never lowering my limits (as I have tried to do that in the past only to find that my trust was again, misplaced).  Slaves, on the other hand, give 100% trust.  No questions asked, never asking or second guessing their owners.  Something I have always done. It's my nature to be inquisitive, and to question motives.  Again, another feline trait that some have identified in my personality.  To be curious and inquire about things that no one would normally.  Some find it refreshing, for awhile.  But after that, curbing my tendency is difficult if near impossible, but after Master gave me this near impossible assignment and then another one shortly thereafter.... I didn't balk at it, just said it was a lot of writing and that I may never get it done...... He recognized that I was a bit overwhelmed, and said that he wouldn't put a time limit on it.

Hopefully... this gives him what he was looking for... but I just wish to add one more thing:

Submission, as well as mankind, should never be stagnant or grow boring, just as topping shouldn't.  With that said, submission is different for everyone, but for me, it is a manner of making other's happy by giving of oneself until it hurts and then in turn, being paid back in spades by guidance, love, passion, and intimacy so that the balance remains in place and no one person grows bored, dull, or burns out with serving the person whom they love.

Master has become and worked so hard to be there for me and there are times that I feel I have demanded too much from him.... I just want to be someone he doesn't have to 'work' so hard to be around, nor to make happy.  I have no issues with his abilities, the only thing I have struggled with is being given false hope when he says he will do one thing, only to find out that he did the opposite.  I just need to rely on him and he needs to know how much that means to me.  to know that no matter what, that I am able to trust that he will be there for me.  I understand I am not a priority like his family, but being able to rely just on means a little bit more forethought and conviction with communication...